So today out at Berry Petroleum there was 4 people fired. Fortunately none of the 4 was Dad or Kevin but they were important people, at least 3 of them. Three of them were from the field, vacation relief pumpers and then the 4Th was from a secretary in the office. The only problem with the vacation relief being the one's laid off is that now even if Dad or Kevin wanted to use any of the vacation days that they have available to them, they are out of luck!!
As much as I don't want to see the price of gas go up, I would rather see that and possibly get the overtime hours back. At least that way I would not feel so bad in thinking all the time that Dad and/or Kevin could be without a job on any given day!!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
Ashley and Me
Well, things have gotten a little better with Ashley and myself. I still have the attitude sent to me when questions are asked but I am doing my best to over look it and ignore it. It is hard at times I have to say but I guess it is a learning experience for us both. Each day is a new thing to learn and over come!!
I am sure that many of you have read the blogs that I have wrote dealing with her grades and what actions we have taken to try to improve them. If not then I will briefly explain. On the grades that she is failing we have decided that she will study an extra amount of time on those grades after she does her regular homework for the day. After she has finished studying then she is to bring the papers that she has been working on to me and I ask her random questions on them, testing her knowledge on the subject. While in Michigan I had asked that Kevin step up to this and from the way the grades declined I am convinced he didn't do this. I have returned obviously and since my return I know for sure that she has gone from having a grade in the low 50's in geometry to having a 95!!! Way to go Ashley!! I know she is a smart girl, she just has to put her mind to it and she can accomplish anything!! I have not gotten the report cards yet so I am not sure what any of the other grades for the other classes are looking like, I sure that she has improved though!!
I have explained to her several times that if she is doing the absolute best that she can do then it doesn't matter what the grade is, I would be proud of her because she has done her very best and earned the grade! I am not sure if she is going to ever believe me on that, I am trying to get her to understand that she needs to give me the chance to show her that what I say is exactly what I mean! We shall see how that goes as time continues!!
I have been trying as hard as I can with her, trying to show her that she is loved by me and that no one is perfect. We have things in common like reading and watching movies. I took her to the library last week to get her her very own library card (she was very excited about it!!) and we have been trying to watch a movie a night together. Some nights we start the movie late in the evening so we don't have time to finish it before it is time for bed but we do our best to get it finished the following night. I have an extensive movie collection but lately we have only been watching movies that I check out from the library. Two nights ago we started watching The Swiss Family Robinson, we finished it yesterday and the day before we watched Heidi! Both are movies that I remember from when I was little and she enjoyed them both.
I don't know yet if me spending extra time with her is something that will help our relationship as there are still signs of her not wanting to let go of her anger. I guess all I can do is pray and keep trying as many things as possible. I take her with me allot when I have errands to run when of course she isn't in school!! She hasn't said if it is something that she enjoys in words but she seems to act different when I do that.
I pray each night for help with her as I am at a major disadvantage. This might be a strange request but I would be grateful if anyone else that would be willing to offer prayers as well. I am doing what I can and in someways I don't know that it is enough. I feel that I am hitting walls in all directions and there is no way out. She has her friends that I don't feel are the kind of people giving her the best influence and in some cases she can't tell me a single good thing about them but yet she remains friends with them. I have given my opinion on what a friend should be and how they should make you feel. I am not telling her who she can be friends with, it is her choice but it is hard sometimes when I see so much hurt caused by some of them. Any suggestions??
I am sure that many of you have read the blogs that I have wrote dealing with her grades and what actions we have taken to try to improve them. If not then I will briefly explain. On the grades that she is failing we have decided that she will study an extra amount of time on those grades after she does her regular homework for the day. After she has finished studying then she is to bring the papers that she has been working on to me and I ask her random questions on them, testing her knowledge on the subject. While in Michigan I had asked that Kevin step up to this and from the way the grades declined I am convinced he didn't do this. I have returned obviously and since my return I know for sure that she has gone from having a grade in the low 50's in geometry to having a 95!!! Way to go Ashley!! I know she is a smart girl, she just has to put her mind to it and she can accomplish anything!! I have not gotten the report cards yet so I am not sure what any of the other grades for the other classes are looking like, I sure that she has improved though!!
I have explained to her several times that if she is doing the absolute best that she can do then it doesn't matter what the grade is, I would be proud of her because she has done her very best and earned the grade! I am not sure if she is going to ever believe me on that, I am trying to get her to understand that she needs to give me the chance to show her that what I say is exactly what I mean! We shall see how that goes as time continues!!
I have been trying as hard as I can with her, trying to show her that she is loved by me and that no one is perfect. We have things in common like reading and watching movies. I took her to the library last week to get her her very own library card (she was very excited about it!!) and we have been trying to watch a movie a night together. Some nights we start the movie late in the evening so we don't have time to finish it before it is time for bed but we do our best to get it finished the following night. I have an extensive movie collection but lately we have only been watching movies that I check out from the library. Two nights ago we started watching The Swiss Family Robinson, we finished it yesterday and the day before we watched Heidi! Both are movies that I remember from when I was little and she enjoyed them both.
I don't know yet if me spending extra time with her is something that will help our relationship as there are still signs of her not wanting to let go of her anger. I guess all I can do is pray and keep trying as many things as possible. I take her with me allot when I have errands to run when of course she isn't in school!! She hasn't said if it is something that she enjoys in words but she seems to act different when I do that.
I pray each night for help with her as I am at a major disadvantage. This might be a strange request but I would be grateful if anyone else that would be willing to offer prayers as well. I am doing what I can and in someways I don't know that it is enough. I feel that I am hitting walls in all directions and there is no way out. She has her friends that I don't feel are the kind of people giving her the best influence and in some cases she can't tell me a single good thing about them but yet she remains friends with them. I have given my opinion on what a friend should be and how they should make you feel. I am not telling her who she can be friends with, it is her choice but it is hard sometimes when I see so much hurt caused by some of them. Any suggestions??
Monday, March 23, 2009
Adrian's Baptism
Here is Adrian by himself, he looks a little nervous!
I had a few pictures taken of him with other people, this is of Ashley and him and below is just after Dad and him came out of the changing area. We were told that the hot water heater broke as soon as we got there so he was sicking himself up for the ice water!! He was told it would be just like when Jesus was baptized, nice and cold!!
Of course I had to have a picture with him, I am a proud momma if you can't tell!!
Below is a picture of Dad and Adrian with the currant missionaries. Adrian and Ashley have been taking the discussions for a while so these are obviously not the original set that began the teaching!! They have all the notes from past missionaries and have references Ashley and Adrian as being "famous!!"
This would be only a few of the people that attended his baptism, the relief society room was packed!! I think there was maybe about 5 chairs that were not filled, he had a large support group!! I am happy for that (will explain at the end)!!
And then finally we have the family!! We are a few people short of those that live here in the house, but of those living here these are the one's that support him or decided to come!
What I was referring to above about him having so many people to support him is because of Kevin. He came but refused to be in any picture with him saying that he "didn't believe in it so he didn't want to show any support." Having as many people there that was showing him how proud they were of his choice might have made a small difference in how Kevin had made him feel. I saw the hurt on his face when Kevin refused the picture, he even refused to take a picture for us. I know that Adrian has made the correct choice and am here to offer as much support as I can, however it can not make up for the lack of support he is feeling from Kevin. I fear that as close as Ashley is to making her choice on getting baptized that his reaction to Adrian's may effect her in a negative way. I have tried to explain to him that it is not got anything to do with him on what Adrian decided to do and that as a parent there may be things that out children choose to do that we may not agree with but have to show support because it is our children and they need to feel that!! Ashley and I have talked about it and I have explained to her the same as I did her dad and that it is her choice for her and her alone. I have made the decision to be baptized and when Kevin heard about it he was not happy to say the least. I will not let that change my mind as it is something important to me and it has nothing to do with him. I don't need his approval or permission just as the kids don't need those things. Of course it makes it harder but with the support of the rest of the family I think we can all be strong for each other!! Congrats to Adrian, we are all so very proud of you and will remain a strong support for you!!
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Adrian Final Choice!!
OK, he has decided a couple weeks ago to get baptized but was not sure on the date, now he is!! He has decided that on Sunday the 22ND of March at 7pm he will become a member of the church. I am excited for him and I assume that he is also excited!!! I told Kevin when he first decided to get baptized but that he was not at the time sure when, it did not go over well. Yesterday Adrian told his dad that he had decided on a date and asked him if he would come. Kevin was not pleased with the decision but after being asked a couple of times he has decided that he will come. I have explained to Adrian that his dad may not be proud of him for this decision but he knows and I know that he is doing what it right. I am not over excited about the army decision but I am supporting Adrian on it because that is what he has decided to do for himself, not for me. I have told Kevin that he needs to be supportive of Adrian's choices and that he as his father does not have to like the decision to support it. I also said that Adrian is the one who at this time knows what is best for him and has to be given the freedom to choose for himself his pathway in life. To say the least he is still not excited. I have to hope that Kevin will come around and at least be understanding about it. Adrian has chosen his path and will be blessed for it!! Congrats Adrian!!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Feeling Attacked
OK, I am feeling attacked right now from the comments posted on my blog asking for help. I made it clear that I was aware that I made a mistake in slapping her, I am not asking for your opinion of my actions, I was asking for any suggestions to help me figure out why she reacts the way she does. I crossed the line and just so you know, did say I was sorry to her for it. I know I was wrong for that and I should have maintained control of myself. I didn't and that is what we call a mistake. It wasn't until after she began to scream that I began to loose my temper. Dad made the statement that she just went crazy. He didn't know what happened either.
I never, or would ever say that Ashley is not a good girl. She is, and I love her as if she was my own. Her self esteem is very low and I have tried more times than I can remember to let her know how incredibly special and beautiful she is. I make sure that she is told that she is loved, especially during ANY argument, big or small! She is praised on anything done right, just because you don't see it on a blog does not mean that she is not praised. When she gets good grades we go through all of the little grades in detail that added up to the main grade. We do the exact same thing when it comes to the bad grades. I make sure that I praise on the good ones and as far as I am concerned, it the grade is failing but she tried as hard as she could to get it, she is praised on a job well done. I don't play favorites with Adrian, if anything it is the other way around. I spend hours talking to Ashley in comparison to minuets with Adrian. She gets my full attention at all times when she is speaking to me and nothing less. Just because it isn't on a blog that everyone else can see doesn't mean that she is not loved as much as her brother. I have to make up for the favoritism that Kevin has for Adrian over Ashley, so how dare anyone tell me anything different!
Ashley is NOT a normal teenager. Yes she is a girl and she has the self esteem issues but it is much more than that. She was adopted out as a baby because her birth mother didn't want her. The family that adopted her was a relative to her birth mother and at age 7 she was basically told they no longer had room for her and sent her away to her grandmothers house. As soon as her dad found out about it he went and got her and then within a couple of years, her birth mother walked out on them. At that point she was left with her dad as a roll model. Kevin is not an involved parent and didn't have a whole lot to do with teaching them right from wrong. When I met them you couldn't hear one sentence from them without a half dozen bad words in it. They were not shown affection by him and as far as Ashley goes she is not getting it still. I have suggested that maybe we need to take her to see about therapy, that maybe she has unresolved issues that are causing all the problems. She responded with a comment saying that now I thought she was crazy. I argue with Kevin all the time on the differences he shows with the kids. All kids want to be loved and Ashley is no different. Both of them want nothing more than to please Kevin but he says that it is my job to say "thank you" or "good job." We will argue about it forever or until he changes.
When I met them the form of discipline in their home was for Kevin to hit first (with a board) and ask questions later, maybe. I stood up for both Adrian and Ashley on that and argued constantly with Kevin about that. It is not longer a punishment and we asked the kids who they would rather give the punishment. They both said that they would rather have me do it. Ashley has said that she likes the changes so that is not in any way a reason for her to act the way she does. I have even let Ashley tell me what she though was fair for consequences if she does something that is not allowed. Upon implementing the punishment she chose, the reaction from her was exactly the same.
Chores are rotated out each month between her and Adrian, David and Samuel have chores assigned by Dad. I came up with this solution over a year ago and it has worked wonderfully. I have even given her the choice on if she wants just one set chore when Adrian leaves for the army or if she wanted to still rotate. If the rotation is what she decides, I will be in that rotation with her. More or less, that means that I give myself more to do but it also shows her that when I say I wouldn't ask her to do anything that I am not willing to do myself. As far as the trash goes, since David does have a job and has his own chores, I don't ask him to get his trash out of his room. I ask that whom ever is on trash for the month collect trash from all rooms with a trash can in it. I am sorry if that is not how you would do it, but that is the way we have done it and the way will continue to do it. Him not taking out his own trash was not at all the issue that Ashley had. Her anger issue came from when she was just asked why she had not gotten it in three days after being reminded each day. Remember, the arrangement was made by her that all she needed was a reminder when it is full and she would get it. You can't even say Hi to her on some days or there will be an explosion from her, ask dad, he has actually had it happen when he said hi how are you doing to her. Like I said in the other blog, it doesn't matter what you say to her, she explodes without warning and gets hysterical.
I don't want for Ashley to stay a little girl, I want her to grow up and be the wonderful person that I know she is. When everyone grows up they have to learn whats right and what is wrong. How is that we do this? We make mistakes and learn from them and following the rules that are set for them. If you are not accepting any part of your mistakes and blame the rest of the world for your problems, what are you learning? She will not say that she made a mistake rather blames it on me or her brother, or when dealing with her grades at school, it is the teachers fault! We have had a trust problem with her and we are working on that. She is in the process of earning her trust back as she has told numerous lies and can be very deceptive. I try to tell her that each time that she comes and says to me that she would like me to listen and see if certain music is acceptable or movies that is one step closer to her showing that she is getting what is right and wrong and is learning for herself the things that she needs to know to be the best her that she can be. Every time she does this then I will take a step back and eventually she will be given the reigns so to speak and be told to go for it.
Just to make everyone aware of it, I have said to her many times that I am her friend but I am also a parent. I am the only mom that either of them has really ever known. I have shown consistency with everything that I say and do to show them some form of security. There is a time to be a friend and a time to be a parent and I think that to many parents try to be the friend more and the parent less. They want the kids to like them and think they are the "cool parent" and what are they sacrificing by doing that?? I am not saying that this is any of you that would rather be the friend over the parent but I am just saying that to many parents are that way and the kids well being is being sacrificed.
I didn't say to Ashley directly that she needed to get her hair cut, what was said to her was, "Do you still want to get your hair cut?" Upon her saying yes is when I said the date for her to get it done so for her to start thinking about what style she was wanting if she hadn't decided already. I then said that we were going to get her some cloths as well since she didn't have very many at all. She had only 2 bottoms and three skirts outside of her school wardrobe of 5 jeans and about 8 shirts. She is going to church and some of the things that she has been wearing is not exactly appropriate for church. I told her that that is one of the things that we needed to make sure we got, a couple dresses for church. We did have a good mother/daughter day after it was all said and done, she is normal in the sense that she likes to shop! She picked out her cloths and she decided how her hair was to be cut, I did not give any opinion. I did however give her compliments on the cloths she picked as well as the way she had her hair cut.
I am sure that you didn't mean to come at me as if attacking me but that is how it was taken. More of the comments were directed toward the actions that I had said were a mistake rather than what I was asking and that was for suggestions with her, to avoid the explosion all together. I am aware of my mistake and that is what I have to work on. My problems is that Ashley sees everything as a negative before the words are even spoken and upon that she explodes. Again, it doesn't matter what it is that you are saying or asking, she has her mind set already that whatever anyone has to say is bad so she is angry already. Being the person just asking how she was doing to get the anger, puts you on the defensive and leaves you thinking, what happened?? She does like to the center of attention sometimes and maybe that is part of it. Maybe she sees any attention as being OK, negative actions get her attention. I don't know. All I know is that to not have them since they were babies I am coming up short.
I never, or would ever say that Ashley is not a good girl. She is, and I love her as if she was my own. Her self esteem is very low and I have tried more times than I can remember to let her know how incredibly special and beautiful she is. I make sure that she is told that she is loved, especially during ANY argument, big or small! She is praised on anything done right, just because you don't see it on a blog does not mean that she is not praised. When she gets good grades we go through all of the little grades in detail that added up to the main grade. We do the exact same thing when it comes to the bad grades. I make sure that I praise on the good ones and as far as I am concerned, it the grade is failing but she tried as hard as she could to get it, she is praised on a job well done. I don't play favorites with Adrian, if anything it is the other way around. I spend hours talking to Ashley in comparison to minuets with Adrian. She gets my full attention at all times when she is speaking to me and nothing less. Just because it isn't on a blog that everyone else can see doesn't mean that she is not loved as much as her brother. I have to make up for the favoritism that Kevin has for Adrian over Ashley, so how dare anyone tell me anything different!
Ashley is NOT a normal teenager. Yes she is a girl and she has the self esteem issues but it is much more than that. She was adopted out as a baby because her birth mother didn't want her. The family that adopted her was a relative to her birth mother and at age 7 she was basically told they no longer had room for her and sent her away to her grandmothers house. As soon as her dad found out about it he went and got her and then within a couple of years, her birth mother walked out on them. At that point she was left with her dad as a roll model. Kevin is not an involved parent and didn't have a whole lot to do with teaching them right from wrong. When I met them you couldn't hear one sentence from them without a half dozen bad words in it. They were not shown affection by him and as far as Ashley goes she is not getting it still. I have suggested that maybe we need to take her to see about therapy, that maybe she has unresolved issues that are causing all the problems. She responded with a comment saying that now I thought she was crazy. I argue with Kevin all the time on the differences he shows with the kids. All kids want to be loved and Ashley is no different. Both of them want nothing more than to please Kevin but he says that it is my job to say "thank you" or "good job." We will argue about it forever or until he changes.
When I met them the form of discipline in their home was for Kevin to hit first (with a board) and ask questions later, maybe. I stood up for both Adrian and Ashley on that and argued constantly with Kevin about that. It is not longer a punishment and we asked the kids who they would rather give the punishment. They both said that they would rather have me do it. Ashley has said that she likes the changes so that is not in any way a reason for her to act the way she does. I have even let Ashley tell me what she though was fair for consequences if she does something that is not allowed. Upon implementing the punishment she chose, the reaction from her was exactly the same.
Chores are rotated out each month between her and Adrian, David and Samuel have chores assigned by Dad. I came up with this solution over a year ago and it has worked wonderfully. I have even given her the choice on if she wants just one set chore when Adrian leaves for the army or if she wanted to still rotate. If the rotation is what she decides, I will be in that rotation with her. More or less, that means that I give myself more to do but it also shows her that when I say I wouldn't ask her to do anything that I am not willing to do myself. As far as the trash goes, since David does have a job and has his own chores, I don't ask him to get his trash out of his room. I ask that whom ever is on trash for the month collect trash from all rooms with a trash can in it. I am sorry if that is not how you would do it, but that is the way we have done it and the way will continue to do it. Him not taking out his own trash was not at all the issue that Ashley had. Her anger issue came from when she was just asked why she had not gotten it in three days after being reminded each day. Remember, the arrangement was made by her that all she needed was a reminder when it is full and she would get it. You can't even say Hi to her on some days or there will be an explosion from her, ask dad, he has actually had it happen when he said hi how are you doing to her. Like I said in the other blog, it doesn't matter what you say to her, she explodes without warning and gets hysterical.
I don't want for Ashley to stay a little girl, I want her to grow up and be the wonderful person that I know she is. When everyone grows up they have to learn whats right and what is wrong. How is that we do this? We make mistakes and learn from them and following the rules that are set for them. If you are not accepting any part of your mistakes and blame the rest of the world for your problems, what are you learning? She will not say that she made a mistake rather blames it on me or her brother, or when dealing with her grades at school, it is the teachers fault! We have had a trust problem with her and we are working on that. She is in the process of earning her trust back as she has told numerous lies and can be very deceptive. I try to tell her that each time that she comes and says to me that she would like me to listen and see if certain music is acceptable or movies that is one step closer to her showing that she is getting what is right and wrong and is learning for herself the things that she needs to know to be the best her that she can be. Every time she does this then I will take a step back and eventually she will be given the reigns so to speak and be told to go for it.
Just to make everyone aware of it, I have said to her many times that I am her friend but I am also a parent. I am the only mom that either of them has really ever known. I have shown consistency with everything that I say and do to show them some form of security. There is a time to be a friend and a time to be a parent and I think that to many parents try to be the friend more and the parent less. They want the kids to like them and think they are the "cool parent" and what are they sacrificing by doing that?? I am not saying that this is any of you that would rather be the friend over the parent but I am just saying that to many parents are that way and the kids well being is being sacrificed.
I didn't say to Ashley directly that she needed to get her hair cut, what was said to her was, "Do you still want to get your hair cut?" Upon her saying yes is when I said the date for her to get it done so for her to start thinking about what style she was wanting if she hadn't decided already. I then said that we were going to get her some cloths as well since she didn't have very many at all. She had only 2 bottoms and three skirts outside of her school wardrobe of 5 jeans and about 8 shirts. She is going to church and some of the things that she has been wearing is not exactly appropriate for church. I told her that that is one of the things that we needed to make sure we got, a couple dresses for church. We did have a good mother/daughter day after it was all said and done, she is normal in the sense that she likes to shop! She picked out her cloths and she decided how her hair was to be cut, I did not give any opinion. I did however give her compliments on the cloths she picked as well as the way she had her hair cut.
I am sure that you didn't mean to come at me as if attacking me but that is how it was taken. More of the comments were directed toward the actions that I had said were a mistake rather than what I was asking and that was for suggestions with her, to avoid the explosion all together. I am aware of my mistake and that is what I have to work on. My problems is that Ashley sees everything as a negative before the words are even spoken and upon that she explodes. Again, it doesn't matter what it is that you are saying or asking, she has her mind set already that whatever anyone has to say is bad so she is angry already. Being the person just asking how she was doing to get the anger, puts you on the defensive and leaves you thinking, what happened?? She does like to the center of attention sometimes and maybe that is part of it. Maybe she sees any attention as being OK, negative actions get her attention. I don't know. All I know is that to not have them since they were babies I am coming up short.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Help if you can!!
I am having issues with Ashley and I am hitting walls all directions that I have turned. The main problem is her attitude about things. i can ask her something about school and it will be a fight as if I approached her yelling at the top of my lungs accusing her of some horrible act. It does not even have to be something with school, anything causes a wall of anger and hatred to be thrust up in front of her. I don't know why she does it, I even got that reaction when I told her we were going to go to Vernal to take her shopping for cloths and get her hair cut. Up to the actual day of the trip to Vernal she showed nothing but irritance that I would even speculate that her wardrobe was in need of being replenished and that her hair needed to be cut. Keep in mind of course that she had made comments that she wanted both of these things done. She would complain that she didn't have any cloths to wear besides her school close because I made her throw them all away. I will say that I did tell her that she couldn't wear certain things because they had gotten to small or they had holes in places that showed parts of her body that didn't need to be seen by anyone except herself when she was changing close or taking a shower. I also have been asking her for months to get together all of her close so that we would be able to see what she had that was still good for her to wear and those items that she no longer could fit. Each time I would bring it up that I needed her to do that for me she would get angry. I don't get it, why if she is complaining about not having any close to wear would she get mad when I am suggesting what we need to get done to get her more of a wardrobe. She is a beautiful girl but the size of her top grows so much that she is drawing attention to herself by wearing a shirt that would really be tight on me.
With her hair cut, she started dropping hints around Christmas that she wanted to get it cut, it was according to her, "getting on my nerves!!" I make the plans for taking her and get attitude. Again I just don't understand and when I ask her why she does things like that she takes more offense and by the end is saying how much she hates her life and blames all of her problems on everyone else.
She and I got into an argument yesterday, a fight that made me loose my temper in a bad way. I slapped her. I HATE to think that I am that person, I would rather hurt myself than them, like I said, I lost my temper in a bad way.
I will explain the situation.
On Friday night she was asked by me why it was that she had not gotten Davids trash for three days after he had repeatedly reminded her to get it. She and him had made an arrangement that she would get it when she was told but otherwise wouldn't have to worry about it on a daily basis. When I asked her about it I got the anger and frustration in the attitude and finally she snapped at me that she "just freaking forgot." I let the comment go and just said that she will just need to check David's trash everyday now since with several reminders she still wasn't remembering. That got her mad enough that her face turned red, everyone saw it so it isn't just my imagination. She didn't speak to me for the rest of the night, didn't even come say goodnight to me like normal. On Saturday morning when she came down I asked her if she was still mad. Her response was, "I wasn't mad" WHAT!! Why couldn't she just say something like not anymore, a little, anything besides what can only be described as a lie! I went into Dad's room to find her in somewhat of a pouting mood. I asked her if she planned on staying in Dad's room all day and she said maybe. I asked her of course what was wrong and she started to say that she was frustrated. The part that bothered me about her saying that she was frustrated is that none of the things that she was frustrated with was herself, everyone else is to blame, namely David.
Her and I talked about how important it is to take responsibility for her actions and that people make mistakes everyday, that is how people learn!! The conversation was a few hours long and by the end she said that she understood everything that I had said and she got it. One of the things also that was discussed was how she says everyone says that she is mad and she isn't. The only problem with that is that everyone sees that exact same reaction to things, even Mom when she was here visiting saw her reaction to things. I told her that she needs to look at her body language if she is in fact not mad. We are not here to pick on her, she is showing anger so that is what we see. I used that whole thing, actions speak louder than words! So true. At any rate, the argument started over laundry. Laundry of all things. She has a set day of Friday for her to do her laundry. With the number of people that live in this house we had to set up the laundry schedule to allow everyone the opportunity to get laundry done and not always fighting for a time. Because Friday was her day, no one else does laundry on that day to give her all the time that she needs in the day to do it. Well, she forgot to do her laundry on Friday, so what is that, a mistake!! All she would have had to do is say that she forgot and find out what time frame would be good so that she could correct her mistake. Is that what she did, no. I left the house to take Adrian to work, Saturday being his day for laundry, his cloths were in the wash. She decided that she was going to go ahead and do her laundry without seeing if there was other people waiting in line for the machine. As it turns out I was waiting for it to wash a load of towels and Dad's cloths needed to be washed since it was his day off. When I saw that she had put her cloths in I asked her why it was in the laundry room being it was not Friday. She said well it was because she forgot. I told her that she needed to ask for a time if she didn't get it done on her time since everyone else is courteous of her day, she should step back and wait for another opportunity to open for her. After just talking about making mistakes and taking the proper actions to mend them she got sneaky. I left the situation at that and walked out of the room and upstairs. She almost immediately walked upstairs with a basket full of wet cloths. Her excuse was so that I wouldn't be mad. I don't understand that either, I already ended it and then out of spite she decided that she would bring her stuff upstairs rather than put it into the dryer. Oh, the first reason that she gave as to why she put her laundry in while I was gone was so that Adrian wouldn't get into trouble for leaving his cloths in the washer and dryer all day. OK, that explains why she would take his cloths to his room but at the same time Adrian and I have agreement that so long as he is not just sitting around playing a video game, it is fine for his cloths to stay in the units.
She began to scream at me when I walked into her room asking her about her bringing her wet cloths back to her room. I am not one to be disrespected and if I was yelling at mom the way she was to me, I would expect that mom would slap me. I gave about half dozen warnings to her letting her know that she needed to tone it down or I would slap her. She continued so I raised my hand. She blocked it and my wrist hit her wrist so my finger tips are all that connected. Again I don't want to be the mom that spanks or hits in any way and I make no excuse other than I lost my temper. I don't know exactly what happened after that except she did her normal thing when she is mad and started to it herself. I smacked the back of her hand after she had sat there and what at the time looked like punching herself in the head with both fists. I said that it was OK for her to punch herself but I can't even tap her on the hand. She advised that she was not punching, rather she was using the heal of her hand to hit herself several times. I said OK and without a lot of effort behind it used that part of my hand on her head. She got angry and again I made the comment to basically say what makes it different for her to do it with full force but I can't do it. She told me to go away and I said fine I will go away and as I was walking out of the room she screamed that was not what she meant. Please can anyone tell me what else can be meant by saying go away if you don't really want the person to go away? She continued to say that it was just laundry and I tried to explain to her that laundry wasn't the issue as much as her not taking the proper actions in fixing her mistake.
She hasn't spoken to me today and the rest of the day yesterday was spent in silence also. What I am basically saying is that I need help!! She refuses to own up to any mistake she has made, someone else is always to blame. She gets mad when you ask her anything, big or small, positive or negative. I have tried everything that I can think of and am coming up lost completely. I told mom about it while in tears as well as dad. Dad was upstairs when the situation began and he doesn't know what happened either, she started screaming so I yelled back. I know I need to be the adult but I don't know any adult that would have been able to stand and take what she did, especially with her being the child. Please let me know what anyone comes up with. Dad doesn't think there is anyway to get through to her so I don't know.
With her hair cut, she started dropping hints around Christmas that she wanted to get it cut, it was according to her, "getting on my nerves!!" I make the plans for taking her and get attitude. Again I just don't understand and when I ask her why she does things like that she takes more offense and by the end is saying how much she hates her life and blames all of her problems on everyone else.
She and I got into an argument yesterday, a fight that made me loose my temper in a bad way. I slapped her. I HATE to think that I am that person, I would rather hurt myself than them, like I said, I lost my temper in a bad way.
I will explain the situation.
On Friday night she was asked by me why it was that she had not gotten Davids trash for three days after he had repeatedly reminded her to get it. She and him had made an arrangement that she would get it when she was told but otherwise wouldn't have to worry about it on a daily basis. When I asked her about it I got the anger and frustration in the attitude and finally she snapped at me that she "just freaking forgot." I let the comment go and just said that she will just need to check David's trash everyday now since with several reminders she still wasn't remembering. That got her mad enough that her face turned red, everyone saw it so it isn't just my imagination. She didn't speak to me for the rest of the night, didn't even come say goodnight to me like normal. On Saturday morning when she came down I asked her if she was still mad. Her response was, "I wasn't mad" WHAT!! Why couldn't she just say something like not anymore, a little, anything besides what can only be described as a lie! I went into Dad's room to find her in somewhat of a pouting mood. I asked her if she planned on staying in Dad's room all day and she said maybe. I asked her of course what was wrong and she started to say that she was frustrated. The part that bothered me about her saying that she was frustrated is that none of the things that she was frustrated with was herself, everyone else is to blame, namely David.
Her and I talked about how important it is to take responsibility for her actions and that people make mistakes everyday, that is how people learn!! The conversation was a few hours long and by the end she said that she understood everything that I had said and she got it. One of the things also that was discussed was how she says everyone says that she is mad and she isn't. The only problem with that is that everyone sees that exact same reaction to things, even Mom when she was here visiting saw her reaction to things. I told her that she needs to look at her body language if she is in fact not mad. We are not here to pick on her, she is showing anger so that is what we see. I used that whole thing, actions speak louder than words! So true. At any rate, the argument started over laundry. Laundry of all things. She has a set day of Friday for her to do her laundry. With the number of people that live in this house we had to set up the laundry schedule to allow everyone the opportunity to get laundry done and not always fighting for a time. Because Friday was her day, no one else does laundry on that day to give her all the time that she needs in the day to do it. Well, she forgot to do her laundry on Friday, so what is that, a mistake!! All she would have had to do is say that she forgot and find out what time frame would be good so that she could correct her mistake. Is that what she did, no. I left the house to take Adrian to work, Saturday being his day for laundry, his cloths were in the wash. She decided that she was going to go ahead and do her laundry without seeing if there was other people waiting in line for the machine. As it turns out I was waiting for it to wash a load of towels and Dad's cloths needed to be washed since it was his day off. When I saw that she had put her cloths in I asked her why it was in the laundry room being it was not Friday. She said well it was because she forgot. I told her that she needed to ask for a time if she didn't get it done on her time since everyone else is courteous of her day, she should step back and wait for another opportunity to open for her. After just talking about making mistakes and taking the proper actions to mend them she got sneaky. I left the situation at that and walked out of the room and upstairs. She almost immediately walked upstairs with a basket full of wet cloths. Her excuse was so that I wouldn't be mad. I don't understand that either, I already ended it and then out of spite she decided that she would bring her stuff upstairs rather than put it into the dryer. Oh, the first reason that she gave as to why she put her laundry in while I was gone was so that Adrian wouldn't get into trouble for leaving his cloths in the washer and dryer all day. OK, that explains why she would take his cloths to his room but at the same time Adrian and I have agreement that so long as he is not just sitting around playing a video game, it is fine for his cloths to stay in the units.
She began to scream at me when I walked into her room asking her about her bringing her wet cloths back to her room. I am not one to be disrespected and if I was yelling at mom the way she was to me, I would expect that mom would slap me. I gave about half dozen warnings to her letting her know that she needed to tone it down or I would slap her. She continued so I raised my hand. She blocked it and my wrist hit her wrist so my finger tips are all that connected. Again I don't want to be the mom that spanks or hits in any way and I make no excuse other than I lost my temper. I don't know exactly what happened after that except she did her normal thing when she is mad and started to it herself. I smacked the back of her hand after she had sat there and what at the time looked like punching herself in the head with both fists. I said that it was OK for her to punch herself but I can't even tap her on the hand. She advised that she was not punching, rather she was using the heal of her hand to hit herself several times. I said OK and without a lot of effort behind it used that part of my hand on her head. She got angry and again I made the comment to basically say what makes it different for her to do it with full force but I can't do it. She told me to go away and I said fine I will go away and as I was walking out of the room she screamed that was not what she meant. Please can anyone tell me what else can be meant by saying go away if you don't really want the person to go away? She continued to say that it was just laundry and I tried to explain to her that laundry wasn't the issue as much as her not taking the proper actions in fixing her mistake.
She hasn't spoken to me today and the rest of the day yesterday was spent in silence also. What I am basically saying is that I need help!! She refuses to own up to any mistake she has made, someone else is always to blame. She gets mad when you ask her anything, big or small, positive or negative. I have tried everything that I can think of and am coming up lost completely. I told mom about it while in tears as well as dad. Dad was upstairs when the situation began and he doesn't know what happened either, she started screaming so I yelled back. I know I need to be the adult but I don't know any adult that would have been able to stand and take what she did, especially with her being the child. Please let me know what anyone comes up with. Dad doesn't think there is anyway to get through to her so I don't know.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
What's new with us!
Well first thing is there is a delay on the carpet. We are waiting for the stupid IRS to do some kind of review on our social security numbers to make sure that they haven't made a mistake somewhere and show that we owe them money. I was told that it would be 2 to 3 weeks from the 15Th of this month. I was so angry I yelled at the woman on the phone working for the customer service for the IRS. She said that she was just the messenger and I told her to suck it up, she chose her job so she could just deal with it. She was very rude in the beginning so I didn't feel bad at all for being as rude as I was. I didn't threaten any one's life or anything, I just made sure that my opinion of the government was heard load and clear!!! At any rate, we are still waiting and since it is obviously nit the 15Th yet, we have a long way to go!! As soon as it is in we will be getting the carpet. After figuring price per yard and how many of those square yards we have to cover I am realizing it costs a lot for carpet!! It will be close to 2,000.00 for the carpet and the padding. I like the carpet that we will be getting and when it is in I will be relieved that I don't have to worry about it anymore!!!
Kevin has sleep apnea for those who are not aware of it. I have pushed since he and I first got together for him to get it taken care of. Going to bed and having panic attacks when I don't hear the snoring (from him holding his breath) is not what I call relaxing sleep. He finally went to a sleep study about three weeks ago and yesterday was fitted with a mask for the CPAP machine. He was not given a machine that is his as of this point, they are having info saved into the machine to be reviewed in a week by them to see where everything stands. He has a very severe case of the sleep apnea, so bad in fact that the Dr. said that he is lucky that he came in when he did since his oxygen in his blood dropped to less than 60% and it should be somewhere in the 90's. They didn't have him sleeping for even an hour when they woke him up and put him on the machine. The info that they are going to review next week is to see if the CPAP is working for him or if he needs a more powerful machine. Last night was his first night on it and I have decided that he needs a stronger machine because there is still times that he is not getting air. To say the least, I didn't sleep good last night, he did for the most part though!!! Hopefully they will have all the info they need next week and get him on a machine that is right for him and his needs!!
Tuesday was mine and Kevin's 2ND wedding anniversary and he remembered this year!!! He got me a card and wrote a message from his heart!! He was given $100.00 that he spent on himself and then said well sorry I didn't have any money. My feeling were kind of hurt, not because I didn't get anything but a card, but rather because he didn't even remember until after he remembered that it was his year anniversary with his work. Also because he spent all of the money on himself and also Adrian and didn't even think about the wife that does everything for him and a daughter that wants nothing more but to be accepted by him. I told mom that maybe I was just being sensitive but he could have done something little to show appreciation and love, even before the anniversary. Does that make any sense to anyone or am I just being sensitive???
At any rate, since I knew he and I would not be going out to do any kind of celebrating I decided I was eating a good dinner for that night and grilled up some steaks!!! They were awesome!! When we were in Roosevelt yesterday for the mask fitting we went to Arby's for lunch and shared the roast burgers that they are now offering and decided that that was our "romantic alone meal"! Getting off subject, but the roast burgers are awesome!! If you have a chance to get one, you should. My favorite if the All American without mustard!! It is better than a burger from somewhere else and it is healthy!!
I have found a chiropractor that deals with the TMJ adjustments and I have to say, he does a good job!! I have to go every week until he says that we can drop it down to every other week and then eventually, just as needed. I expect it to take a few months since my jaw has gotten so bad, I am ready though!!!
Well, I can't think of anything else except that we had to cut the fur of the puppies! They look horrible now but when it grows back out, hopefully it will look better!! They got into the burrs and had them matted all the way to the skin so the only way to get them out was to cut them out. It wouldn't have been so bad except the clippers that we were going to use wouldn't work on the fur so they look like they have been "hack-jobbed!!" I will put a picture of them up later and you will get a good laugh!!
Kevin has sleep apnea for those who are not aware of it. I have pushed since he and I first got together for him to get it taken care of. Going to bed and having panic attacks when I don't hear the snoring (from him holding his breath) is not what I call relaxing sleep. He finally went to a sleep study about three weeks ago and yesterday was fitted with a mask for the CPAP machine. He was not given a machine that is his as of this point, they are having info saved into the machine to be reviewed in a week by them to see where everything stands. He has a very severe case of the sleep apnea, so bad in fact that the Dr. said that he is lucky that he came in when he did since his oxygen in his blood dropped to less than 60% and it should be somewhere in the 90's. They didn't have him sleeping for even an hour when they woke him up and put him on the machine. The info that they are going to review next week is to see if the CPAP is working for him or if he needs a more powerful machine. Last night was his first night on it and I have decided that he needs a stronger machine because there is still times that he is not getting air. To say the least, I didn't sleep good last night, he did for the most part though!!! Hopefully they will have all the info they need next week and get him on a machine that is right for him and his needs!!
Tuesday was mine and Kevin's 2ND wedding anniversary and he remembered this year!!! He got me a card and wrote a message from his heart!! He was given $100.00 that he spent on himself and then said well sorry I didn't have any money. My feeling were kind of hurt, not because I didn't get anything but a card, but rather because he didn't even remember until after he remembered that it was his year anniversary with his work. Also because he spent all of the money on himself and also Adrian and didn't even think about the wife that does everything for him and a daughter that wants nothing more but to be accepted by him. I told mom that maybe I was just being sensitive but he could have done something little to show appreciation and love, even before the anniversary. Does that make any sense to anyone or am I just being sensitive???
At any rate, since I knew he and I would not be going out to do any kind of celebrating I decided I was eating a good dinner for that night and grilled up some steaks!!! They were awesome!! When we were in Roosevelt yesterday for the mask fitting we went to Arby's for lunch and shared the roast burgers that they are now offering and decided that that was our "romantic alone meal"! Getting off subject, but the roast burgers are awesome!! If you have a chance to get one, you should. My favorite if the All American without mustard!! It is better than a burger from somewhere else and it is healthy!!
I have found a chiropractor that deals with the TMJ adjustments and I have to say, he does a good job!! I have to go every week until he says that we can drop it down to every other week and then eventually, just as needed. I expect it to take a few months since my jaw has gotten so bad, I am ready though!!!
Well, I can't think of anything else except that we had to cut the fur of the puppies! They look horrible now but when it grows back out, hopefully it will look better!! They got into the burrs and had them matted all the way to the skin so the only way to get them out was to cut them out. It wouldn't have been so bad except the clippers that we were going to use wouldn't work on the fur so they look like they have been "hack-jobbed!!" I will put a picture of them up later and you will get a good laugh!!
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
The Economy
Well, the economy falling is now going to start effecting us. As of last week they had a meeting out at Berry Petroleum and decided that there is to be no more overtime at all. The overtime was running about 20 to 40 hours. To go from that to none at all is going to cut into the paycheck tremendously. I had not planned on spending any of the income tax that we are getting back on food, rather stick to the budget like normal and save the income tax after buying carpet. I have now changed my plans with the income tax money.
We will still be buying carpet!!! Dad and I will be going out to Salt Lake on Friday to get it!! We will still be saving about 1500 for our Vegas vacation in June. Kevin was wanting to look on the computer for a camp tailor with the rest but instead I will be going to the store and spending a great deal on food. I plan on having a 3 month supply of all food items that I use on a regular so that way as I use them I can restock without spending a fortune!! This plan will make it so I can spend $300.00 to $400.00 on groceries every two weeks (or less!!) instead of the $800.00 to $1000.00 I have been spending.
I had a good supply going until going to Michigan, since I have been back I have been trying to play catch up!! I am real excited because going on this week and next is case lot and that means that I can restock my canned items and a few other things cheaper than if I was going to wal mart!!! I have been working on my lists for the past week. I have the Costco list and the wal mart one and then I have the case lot order form. Between the three of them I think I have it all done!! I haven't found a coffin freezer yet so at this point I can only get about 1 to 1 1/2 months worth of meat in the freezers we have. That is OK, eventually we will find a good freezer and then I can get me a half of a cow and a pig!!! That would rock!!
Anyway, the rest of the money that is left after all of the food, carpet, and vacation will be put into our savings account to be left alone as if I haven't got it!!!
We will still be buying carpet!!! Dad and I will be going out to Salt Lake on Friday to get it!! We will still be saving about 1500 for our Vegas vacation in June. Kevin was wanting to look on the computer for a camp tailor with the rest but instead I will be going to the store and spending a great deal on food. I plan on having a 3 month supply of all food items that I use on a regular so that way as I use them I can restock without spending a fortune!! This plan will make it so I can spend $300.00 to $400.00 on groceries every two weeks (or less!!) instead of the $800.00 to $1000.00 I have been spending.
I had a good supply going until going to Michigan, since I have been back I have been trying to play catch up!! I am real excited because going on this week and next is case lot and that means that I can restock my canned items and a few other things cheaper than if I was going to wal mart!!! I have been working on my lists for the past week. I have the Costco list and the wal mart one and then I have the case lot order form. Between the three of them I think I have it all done!! I haven't found a coffin freezer yet so at this point I can only get about 1 to 1 1/2 months worth of meat in the freezers we have. That is OK, eventually we will find a good freezer and then I can get me a half of a cow and a pig!!! That would rock!!
Anyway, the rest of the money that is left after all of the food, carpet, and vacation will be put into our savings account to be left alone as if I haven't got it!!!
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