Saturday, October 4, 2008
Adrian and the Army
Well, yesterday the army recruiter came to the house to talk to Kevin, myself, and Adrian about Adrian joining up. I would support whatever decision he made on it provided it was his decision and not one that he felt pressured to make. Since I have been around all I have heard from Kevin is that Adrian and Ashely WAS going to join. Talking with Adrian several different times he is not sure what he wants to do, all he knows is he does not want to disappoint his dad. I have explained to both him and Kevin that it is in the end Adrian that has to live with the decision that he makes either to join or not, but if he joins only because his dad wants him to then he will have done it for the completely wrong reason and may regret it in the end. As of yesterday, Adrian was saying he was going to join, but is now once again not sure if that is the way to go. I asked Kevin to back my statements up and have a heart to heart with Adrian about it and let him know that he would be proud of him no matter what his decision was. Adrian being the "heart on his sleeve" kind of guy started to cry and then they hugged at the end. I have been all about the kids making the decision on their futures all along because it is just that, their future! I am not the one that has to be happy with it, no matter what either one of them was to decide to do in their lives I will support and stand behind them with all of the love that I can give, but at the end of the day they are the one's that have to feel like they are doing what is right for them and be proud of themselves!! Kevin has also pushed for Ashley to join the military or army and the same is said by her, she does not want to disappoint Kevin. I don't know if me telling them what I have told them will make a difference, but I do know that it is unfair for Kevin to tell the kids what they are to do with their futures instead of just saying, do what makes you happy and proud of yourself. Am I in any way wrong?? I have told the kids before that there are times in their lives that they are going to do things that we as parents do not approve of and may be disappointed in, but if it is something that they feel strong enough about, whatever it is, then they need to do it for themselves. Hopefully I am giving the correct advise and not setting myself up for something bad.
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5 comments:
I think you are right, Susannah. While the military is an honorable and noble thing to do, it certainly is not for everyone. The life choices belong to the kids. The living with it and giving unconditional love belongs to the parents! Plus, I'm sure whatever else they decided to do (college, jobs, etc.) there would be things to be proud of there, too. Have the kids been leaning toward any other options?
I agree with Alison. I don't think the military is ever a bad choice as long as it is your choice. It took me 30 years to make the choice. If I were him I would look into the Air Force!
So did his dad serve in the Army? Is that why he is pushing them in that direction? Has he for sure joined or still deciding?
I agree with you totally, Susannah, and hopefully what you said will get through to the kids and they won't continue to make their choices "just because they want to please their dad". Why is Kevin wanting them to join so badly? I don't ever recall your saying that he was in the Army and if he didn't serve, I don't think he should try and push it onto his children.
Kevin was going to join but his first wife was expecting Adrian at the time so he passed on it. I have suggested to the kids that if they wanted to go to college but not join in the military that they should get good grades and aim for scholarships, however neither one of them has said anything further on the subject. As far as I have heard, Adrian is still deciding. He signed something but not major parts of the paperwork so I don't think it is final since he hasn't been sworn in. I think the reason that he wants them to join so badly is because it is the easiest way (in his opinion) for them to go to school and be something more than what he is. I don't know for sure on that though.
I agree with everyone else's comments that it really is a huge life-changing choice so it needs to be Adrian's choice. Otherwise he may become resentful if he joins just to please his dad. I think you handled it just right. Keep us posted.
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